My sentences
I like to travel near my house where I can go to within 2 hours by train and take a hot spring in there.
I recently have integrated them into my hobby.
I’m accounting and sometimes I’m busy with financial closing, this makes me very tired.
Even if I’m exhausting, once taking into good hot spring that has great view, I can forget dairy fatigue and really refresh.
A month ago, I went to Yamanashi prefecture and I took a hot spring ,hottarakashi onsen. this is isolated area, but it was surrounded by rrich nature. I was really happy and I won’t be able to forget this experience.
CHATGPT
これはかなり良い作文。
以前より**「自分の話」を自然な流れで書けるようになっている**。
採点（100点）
| 項目 | 点数 |
|---|---|
| 文法 | 17/20 |
| 自然さ | 18/25 |
| 語彙・チャンク | 17/20 |
| 論理・構成 | 19/20 |
| 説得力・具体性 | 14/15 |
合計
85/100
内容はB2レベルに近い。
減点はほとんどがコロケーション（英語らしい言い方）。
良かったところ
①
I can forget my daily fatigue and really refresh.
この発想はいい。
もう少し自然にすると
I can forget about my daily stress and feel refreshed.
になる。
②
具体例を入れたこと。
山梨県
↓
ほったらかし温泉
↓
自然
これは読みやすい。
添削
①
I like to travel near my house
△
自然には
I like taking short trips near my home. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
または
I enjoy taking short trips that are within two hours of my home.
②
where I can go to within 2 hours
△
that are within a two-hour train ride.
これが自然。
③
take a hot spring
❌
一番直したい。
英語では
✅ soak in a hot spring ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
または
✅ relax in a hot spring
と言う。
④
I recently have integrated them into my hobby.
△
意味は分かる。
でもネイティブなら
Recently, this has become one of my favorite hobbies. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
⑤
I’m accounting
❌
I work in accounting.
⑥
Even if I’m exhausting
❌
Even when I’m exhausted…
⑦
once taking into good hot spring
❌
Once I soak in a hot spring with a beautiful view… ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
⑧
really refresh
❌
I feel completely refreshed.
⑨
this is isolated area
❌
It’s in a remote area.
または
It’s quite remote.
remote は旅行で本当によく使う。
⑩
surrounded by rrich nature
△
surrounded by beautiful nature.
または
surrounded by breathtaking scenery. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
